Vancouver 2019 – Day 4

  • had about 6 hours of sleep. been waking up naturally at 7am last few days
  • was not in the best mood waking up
  • luckily we went to the YMCA in the morning. helped my mood
  • came back home for lunch
  • took the ferry to Lonsdale Quay
  • went hiking at Mt. Seymour. it was light and enjoyable. for future trips, I can be more prepared for hiking
  • dinner at Persian restaurant
  • sauna at YMCA
  • got back early 8:30pm to home! earliest night yet. felt good getting some extra rest

Vancouver 2019: Day 3

  • the final day renovating the rental unit
  • made chinese pork bone soup in the morning
  • went to the rental unit at 11AM
  • had late lunch (2:45pm) and dinner (8:30pm)
  • the PDI with new tenants was a bit uncomfortable. I felt like I could have done more, to be more involved in the PDI and learn a bit more
  • went for Japanese a la carte sushi
  • went to a nice restaurant for dinner but at that point my mood was tired and I just wanted to eat simply and rest
  • just passed out on the couch when we got home. night was somewhat miserable

Vancouver 2019: Day 2

  • another beautiful day in Vancouver. Very chilly though. I should have packed 1-2 more sweaters, and sweatpants.
  • took a long time in the bathroom
  • found that the area has many speciality stores, hard to find popular items/stores. places like Bulk Barn, low end grocery stores are scarce, hard to find
  • it was Halloween. I wish I had a costume ‘cuz it was lit in the area. Kids and adults dressed up.
  • it was sad seeing only their house not decorated. And continued the renovations on Halloween night
  • in the afternoon, I took the bus south to the south Border of Vancouver, just before Richmond.
  • I felt pretty angst in the day, I missed out on simple things. I think because I had a late start to the day, felt the need to make use of the day, so I was more rushed and forced than I’d like to be.
  • went to eat House of Dosas for dinner. (Indian savoury crepes). It was simply delicious. Beautifully made. Long and full in size. Tasty, filling comes in the middle. I wanted to eat more but need to moderate fried foods.

Vancouver: Day 1 (Oct.30)

  • Took the TTC to get to airport by 5am. Cheap and my first time using bus to airport
  • first time on Flair airline. I thought they were organized for their small operation. you also learn what makes other airlines like Air Canada so expensive (attendant services, included baggage)
  • Arrived in Vancouver morning time. Dropped luggage at Dan’s. Grabbed quick nearby lunch then took walks in neighbourhood and in Downtown waterfront
  • Dan and Chie’s house never fails to amaze me. The decoration, the odd shaped and collections they have. The collection of books overfills one room. The thing that has remained consistent in my knowing them is they dont mess with typical products. Everything is “different”, unique in a sense. I think they kinda dig having this reputation
  • What also never fails to amaze me is the nature and beauty of Vancouver. I guess it helps that each time I come, the weather is permitting. The crisp look of the mountains, the greenery in plants and trees, the surrounding water.
  • In the evening, we went to Chie’s rental unit and tidied up, as they are prepping for their new tenant to live in. We left at 12am

Leaving the Job

Below are a number of factors that resulted in my leaving my most recent job. I have never left a job before although I had thought about it. Admittedly, my quality of life was so poor during this time. I lost happiness in everything I did. Even the simple pleasures. Like playing basketball, enjoying food, etc.

The back pain was a big reason why I decided to leave my job when I did. I now know that I had bad posture and Pelvic Anterior Tilt. There were times when I couldn’t sit at my desk for half an hour without pain. I would go to the windowsill or an unused room so I could stand up, take deep breaths peacefully, and sip my tea. This gave me temporary relief.

Outside of work, I felt an attachment to work. I limited the time I spent at work, because the company was not paying me overtime. However, my attachment to work got out of control. Even outside of working hours, I would be thinking about the upcoming deadlines, how to structure my day so I could meet those deadlines. This became apparent to me when I went on vacation; I was still so attached.

Work aspect: feeling like I would never catch up to the work and the work politics would never change. During my 1-1’s with my boss, I mentioned I’ve never felt at ease with the workload. I never felt steady and ready to take on a new challenges. It was always about catching up and “fixes”. The other thing is the work politics. In my less than a year stint, I think I did my best to create and balance work relationships. I did a lot more giving than taking. Yet the organization did not respect the work our team or I did, therefore we were always set up in a bad position; giving.

Clean up in my life: I lost ownership of activities in my life such as cooking meals, organizing my photos, blogs to write. In other words, personal time. To be fair, some of this not only pertained to this job. But a buildup of my last 5 years of working. I constantly felt unorganized and had a long to do list.

I wrote this post for others facing a similar position. A decision: to leave or to hang on to the job long as you can. It’s been almost a month since I’ve departed from my job. I can say with relief that I have taken better care of my health, taken an ownership on what’s priority, and thinking with less clutter.

Culture

Where am I from? Where is my family from? What is my background?

All these questions are telling, but don’t tell the story. Lots of times this is irritating when people assume. Or when they see my last name. Because people get the wrong impression when they notice my Vietnamese last name.

Vietnam: my Mom and Dad’s family grew up in Vietnam. My Mom was 17-18 when she left Vietnam for Canada. So her good childhood years were all spent in Vietnam. This has passed on to us, where I grew up in North America but I often prefer to eat vietnamese noodles and foods. So the food and culture was Vietnamese influenced.

Hong Kong: the language my parents and family spoke around the house was Cantonese. And so the TV my grandmother watched, radio listened to, it was not broadcasted from China. It was all in Cantonese. The TV channels were programs from Hong Kong, and Hong Kong dramas. So from a news and language point of view, we were Hong Kong influenced.

China: Chinese history runs deep. No matter how badly you dislike the Chinese government, laws, and etc. Because The stories. The traditions. Having mooncakes in September, Chinese folktales, and red envelopes. These all originated from China, hundreds of years ago. I guess what I’m trying to say is in the bigger scheme of things, I will always consider myself Chinese. Even though I don’t speak the native language.

What’s funny is when I was younger, I didn’t acknowledge stuff like this. The chinese language, the food, etc. Because I grew up in Canada. Who knew I would appreciate the history, culture and defend it years later.

Back pain history

Using this journal to track my back pain progress. It has been affecting me for the last 2 years now.

Oct.20: I had a breakthrough. I was in pain and decided to go to the gym. I did exercises including squat and bench press, and I felt much better afterward. Problem is I still to sit throughout the day, and I also am on an alternating-day workout plan.

Ex-routine:
-child’s pose, back extension stretch, cat/camel stretch
-foam rolling

Research to do: Lumbar Lordosis, Anterior pelvic tilt, exercises
-https://www.themusclemaster.com/why-does-my-back-crack-deep-breath/ ***
-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lordosis
– https://acatoday.org/content/posture-power-how-to-correct-your-body-alignment
– http://www.swolept.com/posts/fixing-anterior-pelvic-tilt-posture-tricks-to-make-your-butt-and-gut-smaller#.XbDzIOhKhyx

Oct 16 update:

-2.5 weeks away from work. Sometimes I still really feel the pain. The pain activates when I am sitting.
-I have went to get X-rays last Friday on the lower back
-I’ve replaced my folding chair with a desk chair
-some days it feels less pain, some days it is more

October 7 update:
-I’ve been off work for over a week now, still have the back pain
-during some research and looking in the mirror last week, I noticed there
was a lump in the lower abs region. Its similar to the Anterior pelvic tilt.
-since then I have been consciously tucking my stomach in
-I continue to have symptoms such as hearing my muscles crack as I take
deep and conscious breaths
-I’ve made improvements such as bringing my home chair to apartment. doing
yoga daily
-its not a easy to cure condition though

Cornerstone Physiotherapy sessions:
June 18 – August 23rd (3 months), weekly appointments

August 23rd 2019:
-over the last few weeks the pain has built up
-even on Aug-Sept vacation it affected me badly first half of the trip
-factors: sitting at desk for too long, posture while sitting, walking posture,
breathing patterns while sleeping

Back pain – August 18

It’s time to face the facts. And come to admit something I’ve found hard to
accept, admit. The back pain is real. I’ve had it on and off for two years now.
Result of:
-bad posture
-lack of exercise
-stress build up

That should sum it up, but the truth is that its been far more than that.
Through this time, I’ve put countless hours into fixing, buying posture correctors,
back rests, etc.

It’s gotten bad I will avoid sitting down when eating.

Sometimes, I’ll discover a new exercise or new posture and think its’ the new solution.
But the fact is that it has impacted my life for 2 years now.

Back pain:
Started: August.04 2019

Next steps/plan:
Get exercise
Walk more
Play sports: basketball
Practise assigned exercises

February 2018 – June 2018
-seeing Alanna from Royal Physio Clinic every week

Diagnosis:
It’s called upper crossed syndrome and it’s the result of a combination of postural factors.

Exercises:
Wall angels
Rows with theraband
Pec doorway stretch
Cat cow

Recently, I have:
-meditation and stretches

Symptoms:
-pain with loading dishes in washer
-movements that combine stretch of arms and holding weight
-stretch: sweeping the floors

Notices:
-walking posture – upper body was ahead of lower body
-sitting posture: upright, elbows, comfort
-standing posture: used to lean on one side

Current tools:
-back straightener strap
-foam roller
-foam support
-foot stand (desk)

Giving thanks 2019

I’m thankful for:

  1. my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins)
  2. having the freedom to take a break from work
  3. getting unstuck in my mental state
  4. live in a city, country, where we have non-critical problems
  5. the NBA as entertainment and its uprise
  6. to be in good health generally
  7. books and libraries to fill my imagination
  8. to have a valuable education
  9. to have a trusting relationship with myself, and continued personal development
  10. a happy childhood and pictures, memories to reflect on

Being Happy

Many of my articles recently have focused on issues, reasons or obstacles that aren’t allowing me to be my best. Work, change in diet, family, etc. It started with a noticing of unhappiness about me in 2016. During this time I tried hard to be happy, but reflecting back, its when I was least happy.

During the last few years, I was less trusting towards people, constantly thinking what others think about me, which made me anxious. Every day aiming to remove the problems in my life, and hence avoiding the joys of taking risks (afraid to look stupid or look out of place).

Its time to try a different approach.

Maintaining a positive attitude: saying Hi to strangers, giving people the benefit of the doubt. That’s more like the old me.

Confession

I started watching adult videos in high school. Probably around grade 10-11. I still remember a show called Red Shoe Diaries. I had my first part-time job at this time, and the shifts ended late. So I had the freedom of staying up late.

At some point I felt sexually attracted to my Mom. It started off as chinese homework on Friday nights, but turned into nights where she would fall asleep, and I would sit there and admire her. Sometimes I made excuses to nudge her while she was asleep.

This obsession with older females continued when I got to university. In the first few weeks of university, the guys in the residence would gather in a guy’s room and put on adult films. It felt like initiation. This was not the greatest influence for me, thinking that this activity was normal. So hence my obsession with MILFs continued.

Looking back, it’s a part of my life I wish I could take back and not had made the mistake. It’s affected my confidence with women and mental at times.