I’ve been thinking what I want to do lately. Like in terms of a job that I really enjoy and can add value to my life/society. Learning and possibly teaching Chinese has been on my mind. So the question is. Why do I want to learn Chinese?
Yesterday was my last day in VN. In the morning I joined the crew leaving for Danang at breakfast. I didn’t have much sleep the last night. But the cousins wanted to meet up again. So we did for a tea in the afternoon. It was meh. I came home before dinner. Had a decent pho at Pho Hung for lunch and dinner, nearby where I was staying.
Finally after dinner, I felt more comfortable. Got back around 7pm. So I had 3 hours to check into flights, review my docs, pack and clean, go to my journal, etc. Felt much better before bed time.
Then, today, I woke up on time, well-rested, packed up my stuff and left for Tan Son Nhat International Airport. Had some time to shop so I bought a few items at the airport.
Not too much happened yesterday, but I had time to myself. I wrote, cleaned up, and reflected. We had a 8pm dinner reservation with Uncle Gam.
It started off well. It was a nice setting, live band playing Western music, food looked good. But soon after the live band left, my tongue still had a sore so many of the foods I couldnt even eat. I was lucky to have the sour soup w. fish pretty much to myself.
We started taking photos. All trip I haven’t been able to smile and on this day it was no different. It just didn’t come naturally. And the cousins started poking fun at this. I was embarrassed.
But now that I reflect back on it, its better to be natural than to be faking it. So if I’m not naturally smiling then there’s no need to force it. I’ve done that before and it doesn’t work.
Yesterday, woke up last stay in Taipei, driver took us to the airport. We were still with Dan. He took us as far as he could go, then said bye. That may have been where the chaos began. He is naturally a peace-maker; without him we felt the difference. Grandma had been complaining or maybe just anxious lately (ie. asking questions over and over. The worst is when she forced you to do things for yourself). At the airport, she and Dad got into a kerfuffle. Amongst other coordination and airport complications.
It was a long day since we had flight to HK, layover, then flight to Vietnam. The excitement/surprise began around 10pm. Well first Grandma got in touch with her family here. The surprise came at 10pm when they showed up at the door, with almost a dozen people. The whole family came.
I have to admit I was hungry and nervous at first. Then came the emotions of memories of them all from 7 years ago. Many of them looked the same. My little cousins “ah yan” and “ah tong”. “Ah tong”/Sugarr grew up so much. And Yan looked the same as I had remembered. They’ve been on my mind since. Got up this morning feeling well rested, energized.
Yesterday went by pretty quickly. Started off – Ben Thanh market, ate lunch at the food stalls/courts there, came back at 1, rested, went to the gym, walked around the block, then had dinner with Grandma’s family in Vietnam.
Here we went to a Viet restaurant. I had Ty and Kk to my right, Yan to my left. She still talks a bunch, Cantonese is good. Things were admittedly different though. As she pointed out, the last time we met I was 22 she was 15. Now I’m nearing 29, she is 22.
We had my Mom there last time, livening up the conversations. This time it felt a lack of connection points. Nevertheless it was cool meeting up a 2nd time in Vietnam.
As cousins, we should keep in touch this time. Being the older, I should lend a hand when possible.
Yesterday: I was awoken early 4am by the lights Dad turned on. Rolled around the bed for hour and half before I got up.
This morning I’ve been thinking negative thoughts so far. People relationships. How Vietnam has been a different experience from my last visit so far. I figure: I’ve grown older, I’ve matured.
Yesterday, we woke early, called Gam uncle and went out for morning Chinese Dim Sum. There were about 14-16 of us, and the restaurant was nearby Grandma’s old VN house. After that we went for coffee/tea. I didn’t enjoy much of it. By the end of the coffee/tea sitting, I was fully disengaged.
Woke up around 4am. Lights woke me up. Couldn’t go back to bed. Yesterday, we had a 8am meeting with host of our tour. Cu Chi Tunnels & Mekong Delta. While packing I heard we had bed bugs so we had to move apartments.
I was very tired throughout the tour, my tongue had a cankersore, we ate a late lunch which gave me a tummy ache, but I had time to reflect in the end. Laughing, the tour guide’s name was a friendly tour guide. There were a few interesting places. Name of the tour: Asiana tour – Cu Chi Tunnel & Mekong Delta Combined (Full day).
As a kid, I was a nervous, timid boy. Trying to fit in with others. Always the smallest kid in school.
As a junior high school student I was shy but also playful to those who knew me. We’d joke around so much, esp in that semester of summer school history. Dunno what we laughed at, but we did – Andy, Kevin, Jennifer, and I.
As a senior in high school, I was still a nervous kid. But at this time, I felt I had more authority. I was looking at a bright future. I got away with skipping classes, acting and feeling like the cool kids in school. I still never hung out with the jocky kids but yea we had our own crew.
As a first year uni student, I had all the excitement and fire in me. Had lots of fun, I was definitely popular among our floor of students. But again, I acted too much to be the cool kid. Pretending to do things that I didn’t do, going out in the middle of night without saying a word, when really what I needed was a break from the rest of the dorm.
As a graduating student, I was on a downward sloping hill. I made a decent choice to take my last few terms easier. Just to make sure I can pass. But still. I wasn’t happy. There were things I was keen on doing that I didn’t make time for or didn’t take the risk to try (hip hop club). Namely, dating, hip hop dancing, and extracurricular clubs.
As a new working professional, I started out with great enthusiasm in my first year. But the tedious, repetitive work drained me and my soul.
As an experienced professional in the financial industry, I have focused on my career goals recently. But also examining my social goals and how I’ve been feeling. It’s harder to smile nowadays.
Embracing Toronto. I never thought about these two words together before this year. Subconsciously, I didn’t even think it would come so fast. All this time prior, there was a sense in me that I wanted to go further.
Live in NYC maybe, the city of Big Dreams. Asia for a small stint to learn the Chinese language. California where the sun always shines.
But Toronto? It was simply the place I resided until I found the opportunity or what I really wanted to do. Then surely life would take me elsewhere.
But then this year I said stop it. Stop it for once. The only place I really know and have even lived in is Toronto and Waterloo. Over two decades in suburbs of Toronto. So I said screw it. What happens if I live in Toronto while beating the heart of Toronto?
Has my experience changed?
This past week was Valentine’s day. I remember a time when I used to get so anxious on this day. I want to take time to reflect on my attitude over the years.
Just two years ago, on February 14th, I felt anxious the entire day. And it was on a work day too. My boss at the time had brought chocolates and so had I. But the whole day I was just waiting for the question: “What’re you doing for valentine’s day?” I probably recited the answer over a dozen times to myself, prepared to voice it in a manner that didn’t lack any self-confidence or doubt.
At the end of the day which I was so thankful was over, no one had even posed the question. Maybe they could tell I was so anxious they didn’t even ask. Or maybe it just wasn’t that big of a deal.
One year ago, I remember coming home to my roommate. When my mate finally came home, I shared with him how the day had went. The feelings I had, seeing people on the street with their companion, the markets readily selling roses and chocolates for the dozens of customers. Seeing this had made me feel even more lonely, but when I shared this with him, it was a liberating feeling. He didn’t have any plans either, so we spent the night cheering each other up.
This past Valentine landed on a Thursday. The day leading up to it, I was aware but I also knew Thursdays I had basketball. The day came and flew, work has been busy lately. I brought in chocolates once again, joked with coworkers, and even a stranger in the office. Shared plans with a few people. In a way I was lucky I had basketball to keep my mind off it. But I learned the day isn’t a big deal for most people. I can think about it as a opportunity for my targets. On a day like Valentines, its not awkward to ask people what plans they have that night. An opportunity to get a look into what a coworker’s love life may be like. Ballsy, let’s see if I can pull it off next year.
If the past is any indication, I’m trending up, and next year I will be even more successful and positive on Valentine’s Day.
